cause you see, I've been laying here in my bed for hours yet I can’t sleep… thinking about small things and big things… like about how would my grades turn up if I’m not making it as my top priority? or is it possible for me to finish such Thesis??? I mean, it is just because I’m too afraid that life would eventually get on me? then I have to stop acting like a highschooler cause I’m not a kid or a teen anymore… that I’ve been wasting half of my life for liking someone who’s never ever (even once) would notice me and there’s not a chance at all (like 0.0000001%) that our paths would cross or what’s so ever.
That no matter what I do, what I’ll feel or what I say… I can never change the fact that I’m a total loser and can’t get any self-confidence cause I don’t want people telling me to ‘fuck off’ or ‘get a life’ or even staring at me with those creepy eyes like they’re asking questions ‘how the hell did you manage to do that!?’ or ‘is it really you? or did you cheat!?’ hahahaha… tsk I hate it… whenever no one believes me that I can do things too without being careless or something… that I can also stop being dumb and stupid even just for once to complete such task…
No. I can’t do this cause they’ll say I’m too old for that. No, I can’t act that way cause they’ll say I’m too young for that. tsk… sometimes I would ask my self, “do I really need to exist? or I’m just a mere fragment of somebody’s perfect life?”
And I’m not saying this just because… It’s been going on for years now… and I really think I need help…
#srsly
